


The Love of Your Life

by SwanQueen4tw



Category: Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 07:13:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8362486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwanQueen4tw/pseuds/SwanQueen4tw
Summary: What will happen when an ex from Maura's past shows up on her doorstep before Jane can tell Maura how she feels. A different version of Ian's return.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you Brandi for being my beta

 

          Standing outside the Dirty Robber, I tried keeping my temper under control. Once again, my mother tried to play match maker and set me up on a blind, double date with Frankie and Sarah. “Ma, really? Why do you always set me up on these things? And not even give me a heads up about them.” _I don’t want to go on another blind date with some guy! I’d rather go on a date with Maura. Sadly, that’ll never happen._

“If I gave you anymore of a notice, you would find some way to get out of it.”

_You’re damn right._ Groaning, I looked inside at the table my brother sat at. _It was nice seeing my brother happy with the girl he crushed on in high school but I don’t know where my mother found Roger; probably in some coffee shop or the grocery store._ “Fine! I’ll do it. But it’s just a date. Don’t start picking out grandchild names.”

“I would never.”

I glared at my mother’s sarcasm. “Yeah, bye Ma.” Walking inside, I made my way towards the table. “Sorry I’m late guys.” Smiling, I slid out of my coat before sitting beside the man in his late thirties with dyed black hair.

          “That’s quite alright. Frankie and Sarah have been keeping me company. They’ve told me a lot about you.”

          “I’m sure they have.” We placed our orders and started polite dinner conversation. Roger started talking about African Spurred turtles and I couldn’t help but smile. “It’s actually a tortoise.” Roger looked quite offended. _That’s the look Maura gets when I call Bass a turtle. Except she’s much cuter._ “My best friend has one and she always gets mad when I call him a turtle.”

          “Oh, well, African Spurred Tortoise then.” Roger continued to talk but I thought about what else I could be doing with my time.

_I feel bad for being so bored but good grief. I’d rather be watching the latest foreign film Maura has found that’s totally subtitled than this._ Suddenly, my phone buzzed and Maura’s face appeared. “I’m sorry, I need to take this.” Swiping upwards, I placed the phone to my ear as I walked towards the door. “Rizzoli.”

“Oh, am I interrupting something? I can let you go.”

“No, you’re saving me. Please tell me there’s some murder, break in a case, anything to get me out of this horrible date. Oh, and I’m sorry for anytime that I’ve called Bass a turtle and not tortoise.” I could only imagine that confused look on the doctor’s face.

“Okay. But no, there’s no murder. I wondered if you wanted to come over for some wine and a new recipe I’ve tried. But what date am I saving you from? You’ve not mentioned a love interest.”

“A blind double date my mother sprung on me five minutes beforehand so I couldn’t get out of it.” Maura’s soft laugh always made me feel better. “Stop laughing. It’s not funny. He’s…arrogant and called what Bass is a turtle.”

“Well, you call him a turtle too, Jane.”

“I’m his…God Mother. I’m allowed to. Just like you’re allowed to call Jo a fur ball. Anyway, I’m heading back inside. But stay on the phone.”

“Okay...” Her voice trailed off.

“Look, just turn off the water and I’ll be there shortly to help with the flooding.” Holding the phone to my chest, I smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry. I need to go. My friend’s kitchen is flooding.” Grabbing my jacket, I was out the door. “Okay, I’m on my way.”

Xxx

 I was torn between what I should be feeling and what I was feeling. _As Jane’s best friend, I should be happy she’s finally getting back into the dating world. But personally, I don’t like it. I’m not sure why I don’t like it either._ A smile broke free when I heard the lock turn. “Isn’t it bad to lie to your date and brother?”

“Isn’t it bad to be part of said lie?” A playful grin tugged at the detective’s lips as she hung her coat. “So, what’s this new dish? Whatever it is, it smells great.”

“Well, in honor of you, it’s an Italian one. Since you were coming, I set you a place at the table.”

“Don’t lie; you always set me a place at the table.” Popping the cork, Jane poured us each a glass of wine.

My brow creased at the tease in her voice. “I’m not. You know I’m not. But, it’s only because you eat here at least four times a week. And we go to a restaurant one of the other three days.”

“Maura,” Jane sighed. “Just sit and let’s eat. How was your day off?”

“Productive.” Jane snorted a laugh. “What?”

“You cleaned your already clean house and read up on science stuff.” A soft blush crept up my neck. “See? I’m right. You need to do something other than read.”

“I would but-,”

“Your social anxiety.” The brunette sighed. “If I go with you, will it help you relax?”

“Yes.” _Jane always knows how to help._

“That smile makes me twitch. What did I just get myself into? Please nothing too weird.” 

“It won’t be, Jane. I give you my word. Now, how do you like the dish?”

“It’s fantastic.”

Xxx

Like any other night after a long case, I went over to Maura’s with a bottle of wine and take-out. My stomach dropped when the Medical Examiner opened the door. “Maura what’s wrong?” She was nearly in tears. Shaking her head, she took the bag and went towards the kitchen. “Maura? What happened?”

          “I can’t talk about it. I just…” Her voice was choked. “Will you just stay with me?”

          My heart started to break as I wrapped the shorter woman in a strong embrace. “Of course I will.” Burying her face in my neck, Maura tried composing herself. “Then I’ll figure out who I’m going to kill and make it look like an accident.”

          A choked laugh escaped the blonde’s throat as she clung to me. “Thank you, Jane.” We stood there holding one another a few moments before Maura cleared her throat. “The food is getting cold.”

          _Wait, it’s that time of the year again. Without fail she always gets depressed one day around this time. I wonder what causes it._ Not letting my best friend go fully, I met her gaze. “You gonna be okay?”

          “Yes.” We moved the food into the living room and ate quietly as some documentary played on the T.V. _I’ve never seen her like this before. What’s gotten her all broken up? She thinks I’m joking about finding whoever did this to her._ “You know,” Maura’s voice was soft. “When people talk about the loves of their lives, it makes me so sad.” She paused, pushing her food around with a chopstick. “How can you love someone and not be with them?”

          My stomach dropped and I suddenly felt sick. _Shit. What does she know? What has my mother told her? Damn it she’s waiting for a reply._ “Yeah...” _That’s the best you can come up with? Really Rizzoli?_ “It…it sucks…” I tried swallowing the lump that started to form in my throat. _I know that all too well._

Green eyes studied me from the other end of the couch. “You’re thinking about someone, aren’t you?”

          “No.” It was the only thing I could choke out.

          “For a detective, you’re a horrible liar, Jane.” There was a slight smile in the woman’s voice.

          “I can lie just fine it’s just when it’s…” Biting my tongue, I stopped my train of thought. _No, Jane. Don’t. Don’t start this again. She’s your best friend. It’s just been awhile so you’re reading into any type of relationship._

          “Jane, you have that face.”

          _And now she’s worried. Great! If she does that little pout thing I’m done for. Just don’t look at her._ “What face?”

          “That face you get when you’re battling your conscience.” Carefully, Maura scooted closer towards me. “Jane?”

          Feeling myself recoil even more, I had to come up with something. “It’s gas. That’s all. Something I ate earlier isn’t sitting well with me.” _If I had Maura’s problem I’d be covered in hives._

          “In that case, you shouldn’t be eating Chinese food, Jane. You should be eating vegetables. I’ll juice you a recipe that will clean all the toxins out.” Before I could protest, the quirky doctor was halfway to the kitchen.

          Picking up the empty dishes, I followed. “Maura, tonight is about you not me.”

          “You have gastrointestinal issues. That clearly holds greater than my issue.” Maura muted any argument by starting the juicer.

My stomach churned as I watched solid green turn into liquid green. _The things I do for this woman._ Knowing that any further protest would cause her to pout and ask what was truly wrong; I decided to help clean the kitchen.

Xxx

_Gosh. I hope Jane will let this go. I’ve been so caught up about Ian and the case we’ve had that I forgot about movie night. I didn’t mean to say anything in front of her but what was that look? It was sympathetic. Like she knew exactly how I felt when I spoke of the love of my life. But I can never tell her about him. It hurts far too much. I feel guilty not telling her though. She’s my best friend. We know everything about one another. And whatever it is that caused that look she really doesn’t want to bring it up. She’s about to drink this instead of talking about it._ “Okay, this will clean out whatever is causing the discomfort.”

Jane cringed as I gave her the glass. Her face matched the juice’s color after smelling it. “This looks like vomit.”

“At least this is pure liquid. If it was pulpy, I knew you would refuse to touch it.”

“You’re right about that.” Taking a small sip, Jane gagged.

“Or we can always talk about what was really bothering you…” With that, Jane tipped the glass back and drank it all at once. Chuckling, I took the glass to rinse it. “That’s what I thought.”

“How can you drink that?”

“It’s much better cold. But only keeps for twenty four hours. The juice should take effect in fifteen to twenty minutes. My bed is ready if you’d like to go lie down since it’s close to a bathroom.”

The color drained from my friend’s face. “Are my insides going to liquefy and shoot out of my ass?”

“No. Just the condense of your stomach and intestines.”

Jane groaned as she walked towards the guest room where some of her clothes were. “You know, you could have just asked me to stay over. You didn’t have to force me by feeding me some deadly juice.”

Cleaning each piece of the juicer, I tried not to laugh at my friend’s exaggeration. “It’s not deadly, Jane. And besides, you’re the one who drank it so quickly.”

“Only because you made it for me.” Silence filled the house and all motion seemed to stop. Leaning against the counter, I waited for the brunette to emerge from the guest room. “I…that came out…I think that death juice is taking affect quicker than you thought.” I watched in silence as the brunette made a b-line towards my bedroom.

Xxx

The next morning, I woke with a warm body snuggled behind me. Looking over my shoulder, I smiled at the peaceful blonde. _She’s so beautiful._ My chest swelled the more I traced each line of her face with my eyes. _I wonder what it would be like to kiss her each morning._ Glancing towards the clock, I groaned internally realizing it was going to kill this perfect moment in the next minute. _Three. Two. One._  Buzz. “Jane, will you shut that off?”

“Sure.” Reaching over, I dismissed the alarm. “Morning.”

Yawning, Maura stretched. “Good morning, Jane. Angela will be here in an hour for coffee. I’ll get in the shower first.” Resting back against the pillows, the blonde closed her eyes.

“Okay, you do that and I’ll make coffee.”

Once Maura and I were showered and dressed, it was just a matter of time before my mother opened the door. “Morning Ma.”

“Good morning, Jane. Where’s Maura?”

I hesitated taking another sip of coffee realizing that was her accusatory tone. “In her closet looking for a pair of shoes. What is it?” I watched as my mother poured her a cup of coffee.

“We need to have a family meeting.”

“About what?”

“About you and,” her eyes shifted past me. “Good morning, Maura.”

“Good morning, Angela. How are you?”

“I’m well.” Ma’s gaze settled when Maura took a seat beside me at the island. “I should be heading out. The café’ won’t open itself.” We watched in silence as my mother left.

Maura was the first to speak. “That was...strange.”

“She’s up to something.”

xxx

To say today was long would be an understatement. All I wanted to do was go home, play with Jo, and crash. Walking in, I was met by my mother, Frankie, Frost, and Vince. “Ma, what have you done?”

“Jane, this is an intervention. Come sit down.”

“I’d rather stand.” Hanging my coat, I went to grab a beer. “An intervention for what?”

“Your feelings for Maura and how you won’t admit them.”

I stopped mid sip at Vince’s words. “You’re kidding me? What makes you think I have feelings for Maura?”

It was Frankie’s turn. “How many dates have you ran out on because Maura called? Or you always have an uncanny way of bringing her up when she’s not around.”

“That’s not often.”

“Only because she’s always around. Not that it’s a bad thing. But we just think it’s unhealthy the amount of time the two of you spend together. Shouldn’t you just tell her?”

Tightening my jaw, I tried not to get defensive. “Would you like to add anything, Frost?”

          The detective squirmed. “I…uh…It’s just…while yes you do get all your work done….if there’s anything wrong with Maura you….I’m just going to…uh can I have a beer?”

          “You know what? This whole thing is ridiculous. I’m not in love with Maura and I’m leaving.” Grabbing my coat, I started for the door. 

          “And where exactly are you going?” My mother’s voice was very matter of fact.

          “Where do you think I’m going?” As I drove, it seemed I got stopped at every red light possible. “Oh come on!” Groaning, I waited for the light to change. _They’re right. I do love Maura. I thought I was hiding it but apparently not. Crap. Yeah, we’re closer than most best friends but still. It’s not like she feels the same way. Does she? We always spend time together, snuggle on the couch, and cook each other dinner. Everything a normal…we act like a couple. Shit. Maybe she does feel the same way._ My heart started to race as I pulled into Maura’s driveway. _I’ll just tell her how I feel. She’s logical enough to psychoanalyze it to the point of it not being awkward if she doesn’t feel the same way. Something about female sexuality being fluid or something like that._

Xxx

          It was nearly ten when I finished typing up my reports for the latest case. It has been a long week between the latest cases and it being what would have been Ian’s and my wedding anniversary. Leaning back, I pinched the bridge of my nose. _I love the man but I think I’m glad I wavered when he proposed. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be in Boston and I wouldn’t have met Jane. I would be the same socially awkward person I was who was cold and had no friends._ I smiled remembering all the ways Jane had changed my life.

          _“No, Maura you are coming to the Dirty Robber with us whether you like it or not.” Jane folded her arms as I finished cleaning the morgue._

_“Jane, I don’t think that’s wise.”_

_“Why not? Everyone here likes you. Yeah, they think you’re a little odd but that’s because they don’t know you like I do.” She paused following me into the elevator. “Well, either way you’re still odd…Just, come on Maura. Please come to the Dirty Robber?”_

_“Jane, I said no.” Before I could unlock my car, Jane swept me into her arms. “Jane, what are you doing?”_

_“You’re coming to the Dirty Robber whether you want to or not.”_

_I tried to get out of Jane’s hold but her grip only became tighter. “You’re going to carry me the whole way there, aren’t you?”_

_“If that’s what it takes, then yes.”_

“Maura? Earth to Maura.” Snapping out of my thought process, I met the brunette’s gaze. “Hey, you alright?”

          “I’m fine. Just thinking.” Closing my laptop, I joined my friend in the kitchen. “Is everything alright?”

          “Yeah, everything’s okay. Everyone just ambushed me at my apartment.”

          “Ambushed you about what?” Taking the offered glass of wine, I sipped it. “Thank you.”

          “You’re welcome. Just about…stuff.”

          I’m not sure if it’s Jane washing off on me, but something told me it had something to do with what Jane didn’t want to talk about the other night. “Do you want to talk about it?”

          The brunette finished her wine and poured her another glass before answering. “I do but I’m scared.”

          “Scared about what?” Placing my hand atop Jane’s, she smiled. "You can tell me.”

          “I know.” Entwining our fingers, Jane squeezed my hand. “I can tell you anything.” Meeting my gaze, she took in a deep breath. “Maura, I-,” Before she could continue, the doorbell sounded. “Are you expecting anyone? It’s past 10:30.”

          “Not that I know of.”

“Stay behind me.” Un-holstering her gun, Jane stepped carefully towards the door. Opening it, she aimed her weapon.

“Ian?” I froze.

          “Hello, Maura.” He smiled.

          “You know this guy?” Jane lowered her gun. “Maura?” My body acted before I could stop it. Next thing I knew, my legs were wrapped around the Australian’s waist and we were kissing. “Well apparently you do.”

          _I need to stop. Jane is here and she doesn’t know him. What was that in her voice? Gosh, it’s so nice having him here. I missed him so much. It’s been so long._ Breaking for air, I smiled. “Ian, this is Ja-,” looking around, the brunette was nowhere to be found. “She’s gone…”

Xxx

          _You’re kidding me! Who the hell was that guy?_ Getting stopped at a red light, Maura’s words came to mind. _You know, when people talk about the loves of their lives, it makes me so sad. Ian is the person she was thinking about. DAMN IT!_ Slamming my fist against the steering wheel, I knew there would be a bruise. I tried composing myself as I walked towards my door. Grumbling when I saw Ma and Frankie there, I spoke before they could. “Just leave. I don’t want to talk about it. Just go, please. Don’t touch me, just go.” Thankfully, they did as I asked. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

That night, I ignored all texts and phone calls from everyone including Maura. Her calls and texts finally ended around one in the morning. Emptying my fourth beer, I tossed my phone on the coffee table. “Yeah, glad I saved myself the heartache of being rejected. Have fun with Mr. Love of Your Life.”

Xxx

  I groaned when my phone kept ringing. My head was pounding and the lights didn’t help. “Rizzoli.”

“You sound horrible. Are you alright?” Frost was genuinely concerned. “Look, I’m sorry about last night.”

“I’m fan-freaking-tastic. I know my mother put you up to it. Just know, you no longer have to worry about it.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means, she’s made her choice. I’ll be in soon. Give me an hour.”

Entering the station, I went straight to the bullpen. “What do you got?”

Vince cringed. “You sound horrible.”

“Yes, I know. Can we please drop it?” The words came out harsher than I intended. I didn’t want to think about last night let alone talk about it. I wanted to forget about it. The image of Maura playing tongue hockey with Mr. Tall, dark, and Australian was seared into my memory.

It wasn’t until lunch time when I heard the familiar sound of heels clicking against the floor. “Jane?”

Clenching my jaw, I forced myself to stay in place. “Yes, Dr. Isles?” Turning in my chair, I folded my arms across my chest.

The blonde’s brow creased in confusion at the term of address. “Is everything alright?”

“Of course, what could possibly be wrong?” _I’m acting like a child. And Maura would say I’m being defensive because I’m trying to protect myself by crossing my arms._

“You’re trying to protect yourself.” Her head tilted slightly. “And you’re being…sarcastic?”

“Sarcastic, no. What brings you up here, Miss. I didn’t tell my best friend about some Australian big shot?” The realization of my cattiness sank in.

“Well, Detective, I have the autopsy results for Mr. Garnett.” Tossing the folder on my desk, the blonde folded her own arms. “If you need any further information, feel free to send Detective Korsak or Frost down since you, apparently, cannot be an adult.” Maura’s voice wavered slightly and her nose turned a light pink. With that, my best friend turned and walked away.

Guilt instantly tugged at my heart. “Maura, wait.” She didn’t stop. “Maura!” I raced to the door just to catch a glimpse of a tear run down Maura’s cheek before the elevator door closed. “Damn it!”

Xxx

   _Why is she acting so childish? I know Jane has her moments but she’s never been so mean before. Even at her worst she’s never been so hurtful towards me. Others maybe but never me._ Rushing into my office, I have never been so glad to be surrounded by nothing but the dead. Silently, I wept unable to control the connection between my amygdala and lack bone gland.

“Dr. Isles?” Vince tapped lightly on my closed door.

Clearing my throat, I wiped my tears away. “One moment.” Composing myself, I straightened up. “Come in.”

Peering in cautiously, the older man closed the door behind him. “Obviously there’s something going on between the two of you. Do you need to talk about it? I know with Jane, if there’s a time she can’t talk to you about something, she gets nearly unbearable. We don’t need both of you like that.”

_He’s right about Jane. It’s safe to open up to him. He’s a friend, Maura._ “Jane came over last night after you all ambushed her about something. Before she could tell me what that was…a person…from my past showed up and I didn’t handle it the way I should have.”

“Mr. Tall, dark and Australian?” Jane’s jab towards Ian was very Jane-like and, oddly enough, amusing.

“Yes.” Hiding my face in my hands, I sighed. Much like Jane does. “It’s very complicated and I don’t like to discuss it.”

“It must be since you won’t even talk to Jane about it.” Quietly, Vince took a seat in the chair nearest my desk. “Look, you not confiding in Jane about this guy has her on edge. That’s why she’s acting like this. To be honest, in all the years I’ve known her, she’s never been like this before. It just means she cares about you and she doesn’t know how to handle this. It’s up to you whether you tell Jane about him or not, but I just wanted to let you know she’s not being mean towards you directly. It’s just her defense mechanism.” He paused, “And probably partly the hangover too.”

My brow creased. “Why would she have a hangover?”

Vince raised his hands in defeat. “I’ve already said far too much. If you really want to know, you can ask her.” Standing, the older man made his way towards the door.

“Will you tell Jane I’m sorry?”

Smiling, he answered. “No. You do it.”

Xxx

The need to smooth things over with Maura overpowered my jealousy of tall dark and Australian. Knocking lightly, I waited. Before looking, I spoke when the door started to open. “Look, Maura I’m-you.” My voice deepened with disgust.

“And you must be Jane.”

“Yeah, I am. Where’s Maura?” I peered over his shoulder.

“She’s in the bath.”

“She never takes baths especially at…” Finally noticing he was wearing a robe, my stomach dropped. “Bye.” Turning, I started towards the car.

“I’ll tell her you stopped by.”

I heard the door shut behind me as I stormed back to the car. _Why do I even try? He’s obviously not going to tell her I stopped by. He can probably lie without batting an eye. Damn he’s lucky. He not only gets to hold Maura and kiss her but he gets to see her naked and…damn it I hate him so much!_ Pulling out my phone, I dialed an old friend. “Hey, I need a favor. Meet me at our normal spot.”

Getting home, I picked up Jo and drove towards the park. It didn’t take long for my friend to fall into step with me. Pulling out my phone, I held it to my ear. “I need you to look into someone for me.”

“Who is it?”

“His name is Ian and he’s Australian. I’m pretty sure he’s a doctor or something along those lines. He knows Maura pretty well. I’m not sure how but I know she traveled a lot before settling here in Boston.”

“Ian, Australian, hangs around Dr. Isles? It sounds like you’re jealous Rizzoli. What makes you think I can find out something you can’t?”

“You’re the FBI and you owe me. She can’t find out and she can’t know you’re watching him. If she finds out, this could blow up in my face. I just want her to be safe. I don’t trust the guy.”

“Are you sure you don’t trust him or you’re just jealous?” I didn’t answer. “Okay, I’ll find out what I can.” He paused, “Jane, if he’s into something bad…,”

“Just let me know first, okay?” Guilt started to consume me. _I’m spying on my best friend._ _Scientific inquiry, right? First step of testing a hypothesis or something. Yeah, no. I’m still a horrible person._

“This will be off the record so, what happens to him is up to you.”  

“Thanks, Mac. Keep in touch.”

“I will be.”

_I’m such a horrible person._ Looking down at Jo, I sighed. “Ready to go home?”

Xxx

The next day, Mac found out Ian met Maura when they worked in Africa doing Doctors without Borders. Which makes sense for Maura. He was wanted for questioning by Interpol. _Damn it you beautiful genius. Why do you have to be in love with a fugitive? You could be arrested for it. If someone dared arresting Maura, I’d probably wipe the floor with them._

“Thinking about your girlfriend again, Rizzoli?” Frost snickered as he placed a coffee in front of me. “You look horrible.”

“Not in the mood, Frost.” Leaning back, I ran my hands over my face.

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t say. I’m taking lunch.” There was only one place I could go and talk without anyone getting in trouble. Well other than myself for snooping. Entering the confessional, I sat.

“What bothers you, my child?”

“Father, I don’t know what to do. My best friend, who I’m in love with, is harboring a fugitive who she’s madly in love with. He’s wanted for questioning but I’m not supposed to know about that. I’m not sure my friend knows about it but she deserves to know. I’m protective. I don’t like seeing her hurt.”

“Well my child, it sounds like you have already made your choice.”

My brow creased. “What do you mean, Father?”

“What means more to you? Your friend being safe or your friendship?”

“Her safety.” I groaned. “How do I get myself into these situations?”

“God never gives us more than we can handle, my child.”

xxx

_It’s been three days since Jane and I fought. It’s so unlike her to not have come by to at least check on me by now. Anytime I see her at the station it’s in passing and we can’t talk. She looks hurt too. She must have realized that I was talking about Ian the night she came over. But why would she be so hurt? It goes deeper than just not confiding in her about him._ Picking up my phone, I scrolled through the contacts. My thumb hovered over the call button when I felt strong arms around my waist.

“Maura darling,” Ian kissed my neck. “Why don’t you come to bed? It’s late.” Turning my head, I kissed him gently. It didn’t take long for the kiss to become passionate. Strong hands made their way into my hair as he pinned me between him and the counter.

Twenty minutes later, I stared at the cracked door wondering why this felt so awkward. _I’m finally laying here with the man I’ve loved for years and I feel empty. Why? This feels wrong. The bed feels heavy and he’s so hot. I can hardly stand him holding me. I guess it’s just because the only other person I’ve slept with has been Jane. For the only woman on the force, she’s surprisingly gentle._ I chuckled silently remembering the first time we woke up and she had her arm around me and her face buried in my hair. _She was so embarrassed. If I’m being honest with myself, I love having her hold me. Each night she stays over, I look forward to it. Jane makes me feel safe and protected. And loved. When I’m with her, she makes me feel like I’m the only thing that matters._

Removing myself from Ian’s hold, I got dressed and slipped into my robe and walked into the kitchen. Noticing the front porch light on, I grabbed the baseball bat Jane insisted I keep by the front door. Peering out the window, I was pleasantly surprised to see my friend sitting on the steps. “Jane?” Closing the door behind me, I took a seat.

**“Hey Maur,” Jane’s voice was huskier than usual and choked as if she had been crying.**

“Jane, you’re shivering.” Pulling off my robe, I wrapped it around my friend’s shoulders. “It’s raining and you’re soaked.” 

“Look, if you don’t want to tell me about him, that’s okay. I need to realize that there’s stuff that even we don’t share for one reason or another. I just know something that you should know and I’ve been sitting out here the past two hours trying to figure out whether to tell you or not.”

“Why do you think you can’t tell me?” _She’s been crying and is about to be in tears any second._

“Because it may ruin everything.” Jane laid her head on my shoulder and took my hand in hers. “I can’t…” A single tear landed on our joined hands.

“Jane, you can tell me. Please? What has you so upset?” I rubbed the taller woman’s back hoping it would coax her into letting go of whatever was causing her such pain.

“Maura, I-,”

The door opened behind us interrupting my friend. “Maura darling, what are you doing out….oh, hello Jane.”

**A growl escaped the brunette’s throat as she stood. “How dare you put Maura into this position.” Ian backed up cautiously. “She could be arrested because of you!”**

“What are you talking about, Jane?” The blood had drained from Ian’s face. “Ian, what haven’t you told me?”

“So you haven’t been honest with her? Well, Mr. Ian Smith, or should I use one of your other aliases, is wanted for questioning by Interpol.”

“You had him looked into?”

“Maura, I had to. Something about him didn’t sit right with me and I just wanted you to be safe. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you all of this before. But if he’s not told you that, he must not have told you I came by the other night to apologize.”

“No, he didn’t.” My gaze fell upon Ian. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You were in the bath darling. I didn’t want to stress you.”

“No matter what is going on, if it deals with Jane, I don’t care how stressed I am. You should have told me.” Tension in the room kept rising.

**“I apologize for wanting to keep the woman I love safe and stress free. Besides, Jane’s reactions are that of a madwoman.”**

“You did not just call me crazy!” Jane took a step between Ian and I. “Where the fuck do you get off putting her in danger like this?”

“She was never in any danger! Besides, what do you care? It’s not like you’re in harm’s way.”

“I care because I’m in love with her!” Everything stopped in that instant. Jane’s complexion matched that of a corpse as she turned towards me. “Maura, I am so sorry.” Without another word, the skittish brunette raced towards the door.

“Jane, wait!” She only stopped when I grabbed her arm in the middle of the street. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Jane looked away. She was in tears again. “Jane, look at me.”

“Maura, I can’t.” Her voice was choked.

“Why not?” Cupping her face in my hands, I wiped tears away.

“Please don’t touch me like that. Not now.” Stepping back, Jane put distance between us.

“Jane,” my heart ached seeing my best friend like this. _That’s the same pained voice as the other night._ In that instant everything fell into place. “You were thinking about me, weren’t you?” All she could manage was a shaky nod. “Jane,” stepping closer, I wrapped the fragile woman in a strong embrace. “Let’s go inside, you’re freezing.”

Wrapping her arm around my shoulders, we started towards my home. “What about Ian?”

“Oh.”

“Don’t tell me you forgot about tall, dark, and Australian.” There was a nervous chuckle in her voice.

Entering my home, Ian was nowhere to be found. Any supplies I gathered for him were already in his car which was gone. “He didn’t even leave a note? What an ass.” Jane shivered.

“Come with me. You need some dry clothes and it’s late.” Jane followed into the guest room. “Will you stay the night?”

“You honestly have to ask?” She grinned. “I will but I refuse to sleep in your bed. Not until those sheets are washed in bleach. If not just burnt.”

Laughing, I turned away to give Jane privacy to change. “They will be washed, I promise. Twice if it makes you feel better.”

“It does.” Jane hugged me from behind and let her chin rest on my shoulder. “I’m sorry for all of this, Maura. I really am.”

“It’s okay, Jane.” _This feels nice; strong and protective yet still gentle and caring._ Relaxing into her embrace, I sighed. _This feels right._ “I’m emotionally exhausted and so are you.” Quietly, we situated ourselves in the queen-sized bed.

“Can I-,”

Before Jane could continue, I took her wrist and draped her arm across my hip. Snuggling into her embrace, I smirked playfully. “Does that answer your question?”

“Okay Miss. Smarty pants.” We laid there enjoying the silence until I finally gathered the courage to speak. “TDA and I met in Africa, as you probably already know.”

“Maura, you really don’t have to-,”

“I want to, Jane. I should have told you a long time ago. But I never had the strength to do it until now.”

Jane’s arm moved across my stomach and her grip tightened slightly. “Okay.”

I couldn’t help but smile. _She wants me to feel protected._ “He would come back every few years to get supplies for countries that people forget about. I don’t know why Interpol wants to question him and, quite honestly, I don’t care. I thought he was the love of my life, and he might have been, but I believe that’s changed.”

“What do you mean?” Jane’s voice was barely audible.

“I mean,” turning, I faced the timid brunette once more. “I’m in love with someone else.”

“Who?”

Whom.”

“Maura.” Jane smirked.

Without a word, I cupped Jane’s face and placed a soft kiss on her trembling lips. “The woman who forced me to go to the Dirty Robber and make friends with my co-workers.”

Xxx

It took a moment for Maura’s words to sink in. Opening my eyes, I was met by her gaze. “You mean that?”

“I do.” A breathtaking smile covered the blonde’s face. “I love you, Jane.”

“I love you too, Maur.” She chuckled softly. “I guess everyone saw what we didn’t. Thinking back, we already acted like a couple. I basically live here most of the week and outside of work, we spend almost all of our time together.” 

“That’s true.” Maura yawned and snuggled into me. “Goodnight.”

“Night.” Kissing the top of her head, I slowly drifted off to sleep.

Xxx

We were woken by Bass banging around in the kitchen. Chuckling, I yawned. “Maura, your…tortoise is hungry.”

“Very funny, Jane. Go feed your Godchild.”

I couldn’t help but snort. “I don’t know what to feed him. He’s not a dog.”

“The English strawberries are in the fridge.”

“Do you really think I know the difference between English strawberries and regular strawberries? Besides, we have to get up anyway to go to work.”

“True.” My eyes were still closed but I could tell Maura was looking up at me. “Jane, I need to be honest with you.” I couldn’t help but tense up. “No need to do that.” The blonde ran a soothing hand up and down my side until I loosened up. “I’ve never been with a woman before. I can imagine how we would have sex but I only know in theory.”

I knew my face was turning red. _Why is that the first thing she thinks of in the morning?_ “It’s okay. We can learn together.”

“I know what I enjoy, and I’m sure there is some overlapping between us…”

“Maura, I’m stopping you there. If we talk about this right now, neither of us will make it to work on time. Can we hold off on this for a while? Please?”

A soft chuckle escaped the shorter woman’s throat. “Of course we can. But I do want to kiss you at least. Is that alright?”

A soft smile tugged at the corner of my mouth. “Yes, please do Dr. Isles.” Dipping my head, I captured Maura’s lips with mine. _This feels amazing. So much better than I ever could imagine._

Xxx

Normally, it wasn’t unusual for Maura and I to walk into the station together but apparently today there was a new vibe radiating off of us. Entering the café’, my mother smiled when she saw us. “Oh thank goodness! It’s about time. Everyone was so worried when you wouldn’t answer your phones. Jane, where have you been?” Ma’s head tilted slightly. “Are the two of you finally….”

“Ma.” I warned sliding into a chair.

“You are! I need to text Frankie and everyone!” Maura laughed at my embarrassment and Ma’s joy.

“Ma, really? I think _we_ should tell everyone because it is _our_ news.”

“You’re right. But I’m still so happy for you guys! Drinks on me after work at the Dirty Robber.”

“Okay, Ma. I’ll let everyone else know.” After a quick breakfast, Maura and I went our separate ways.

Walking into the bullpen, all eyes were on me. They all tried keeping a straight face but soon Vince caused everyone to break out in smiles. “Congrats, Jane.”

“My mother told you, didn’t she?”

Frost pipped up. “Actually, she told Frankie and then he told us.”

“Hey! Come on now.” My brother threw a paper ball at his friend. “I’m happy for you, Janie.”

“Thanks guys. Now, let’s get to work.”

 

 

        

         

 

 

 

 

 

 


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